Cherish

girl, face it!

2011-10-27T01:48:00.000+10:00

why do i bother to prove to someone whom will never respect me?

if cutting connections means deleting the person, why is it so tough?

i thought there may be a slight change, there will be a chance of being friends - i thought wrong. you disrespected me. i am never good enough.

fact to face : a toy you have used and bored of.

body vs food.

2011-10-20T00:27:00.000+10:00

when the body rejects everything, only liquid becomes daily consumption. this battle; clearly i am in the losing team.

still in love with you?

2011-10-19T03:11:00.002+10:00

日子只能往前走
一個方向順時鐘

不知道還有多久
所以要讓你懂
Time only moves forward
The clock only turns one way- clockwise
Don’t know how long we have left
So I want you to understand

我依然愛你就是唯一的退路
我依然珍惜時時刻刻的幸福
你每個呼吸每一個動作每個表情
到最後一定會
依然愛你
I still love you, the only path I walk
I still cherish every minute, every moment of happiness
Your every breath, every movement, every expression
Till the very end, I will always
Still love you

stronger.

2011-10-17T20:42:00.001+10:00

this is such a struggle. cutting off has always been more difficult than taking it in.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fire
Put that thing on lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

it's a tumblr.

2011-10-12T01:46:00.000+10:00

all these words speak of my heart.

i rely onto You.

2011-10-11T23:45:00.000+10:00

finally i've confessed last night, what was the reason to my drastic weight gain. the difference from the past, i was finding comfort in food - over eating and either throwing up or forcing food down my throat into my body.

for the past 2.5 months, portions of food not only doubled or tripled but it was main meal followed by desserts and soft drinks. this suffocation is pure horrible - up til this moment - food fills my mind when sadness flows in.

now, blogging about it isn't to gain sympathy or attention. instead, it is a reminder to myself that i have made this commitment to break free from this illness.

with God's strength.

change doesn't kill.

2011-10-10T13:48:00.004+10:00

known for drastic hair change if am upset. current change from black to bleaching it to blonde-ish orange to dying it scarlet red.

contemplating to shave the head or not.

if i do, i've completely lost my mind and it is an action of attempt to submerge this sadness.

Lord, I trust in You.

2011-10-08T00:32:00.003+10:00

I was doing so well for the past months. All focus was on placement, uni and OCF. Until this week - a total mess.

There is no way I'll go on like this.

I make this my prayer Lord.

Father, my heart is broken and it seems very dark. I don't understand what You are doing in my life. The darkness is very real and filled with more questions than answers. And I don't like it! But I love You. Lord, so I choose trust instead of doubt. Lord, please fill each broken place in my heart with Your mercy and Your grace. Today, I choose You.

dear you.

2011-08-31T01:00:00.001+10:00

to you,

i did not lose you for being myself and truthful. you lost me.

goodbye.

2011-08-30T20:58:00.003+10:00

when the history repeats (yet again!), the first question that pops into my head - God, WHY ME?! WHY IS THIS AGAIN?!

some nights are tougher than another BUT what doesn't break you makes you tougher, no?

i learn things the hard way...indeed.

walked away and will never turn back. without any regrets.

this rainy season.

2011-07-24T00:56:00.004+10:00

through all the tears and pain, where did the energy came from to be able to cry this much? months have gone by, mistakes have been made repeatedly and stupidly falling back into the same trap.

when will i ever learn to NEVER try to mend a broken heart forcefully by my own actions but to rely on God's strength and submit to Him that it will be heal in His time and NOT mine?

never been this painful the last time you broke my heart.

it hurts to be in this game.

you picked up the pieces and mend it, but you shattered this broken heart into a million pieces smaller.

change. ME.

2011-07-16T04:06:00.002+10:00

as per usual, makeover is unavoidable when the truth has sunken in. tears isn't an option anymore though it still hurts. but, nothing is too big for God. :)

in time, more hair being bleached and more weight lost.

best friends.

2011-07-10T20:53:00.003+10:00

God has blessed me with best friends that are of different personalities. They make me smile through the weirdest way. :)

Been a good 7 months away from the blog and, am now back.

into the new years.

2010-12-27T20:07:00.002+10:00

many things to look forward to. many things to be plan. many things to do. but, one that i wish to continue to do is to be able to write again.

2010 have been a year away from home but with God's grace, He has provided to me in many ways.

and 2011 will be a fruitful and joyous year ahead. for sure. :)

patience?

the stalker captures.

2010-11-03T16:20:00.008+10:00

his photos never fail to amaze and surprises me and to have been a witness through all his improvements in photography, he has done an incredibly awesome job! his passion and commitment to learn and improve on his photography skills, it definitely paid off.

he may have a thick face to get to know me initially but he sure did show his sincerity by actually showing up at my workplace to deliver a cup of green tea frappe. after several times he has asked me to be his lab rat, i've finally agreed to it only in august last year. it was his first portrait shot, and so was mine. second shot came around and it was a testshot for him as well. pulled the ex boyfriend with me for the second and i must say, he certainly did improve gradually.

on the 8th of august 2009

somewhere in october 2009

okay, 2 months in between, not much of a difference perhaps. but look at his photos now, after a year.

also to note, he does more of wedding photography which makes my heart fizzle whenever i view his photos.

Ben and Hilda's in July 2010

i've personally favoured the couple of photos below from one of his latest work. they did take my breath away. from the time he had me as a lab rat until now, the work he has done so far. it has been nothing but amazing. to be able to find such venues in Malaysia and produced these photos - I AM PROUD OF YOU JOSHUA CHONG! :)

and the photos below are from the same album that were taken only recently, September 2010.

Ermm..Josh! Petaling Street?? Really?

I kid I kid. This photo is different from the rest you've taken & I like it. :)

and my favourite! :)

a burgeoning photographer he is. wedding photography is what he does most at the moment and interested in. to check out more of Joshua's work, take a look here. and if you're keen on hiring him, contact him! :)

okie, we have already made a deal anyway. you're definitely taking my wedding photos. :)

enough is enough.

2010-10-20T22:21:00.002+10:00

no need anymore harsh words. no need anymore the shrug on the shoulder. no need anymore of you. for i'm just like any other human with feelings. enough is enough.

of being a nerd.

2010-10-17T19:19:00.002+10:00

the time of the semester again, obviously.

to find out the trusted spoke among themselves, looked into the past and judged the present. til things are sorted out, words remained unspoken and hearts will not be open.

God Chicks

2010-10-10T20:34:00.003+10:00

Often at times when silence, ignorance and avoidance happen to be chosen, it doesn't mean hatred. The three things in life that once lost is hard to build-up; respect, trust and friends.

Offering forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the mistake didn't happen; it means acknowledging it and moving on. Don't just open your heart again to be hurt if you haven't talked about what went wrong. - Holly Wagner, God Chicks.

After all, it takes two to clap.

when spring sings.

2010-09-21T13:26:00.007+10:00

(photo credits - David Hoh)

even rainy days doesn't last long; gone is the rain. perfection screams by the appearance made by rainbow. this pretty sight is like a dream.

(photo credits - David Hoh)

to dance in the land filled flowers under the perfect clear blue sky filled with sunshine.

(photo credits - David Hoh)

perfectly bloomed flowers bring joy. cherry blossom to be cherished eternally.

(photo credits - David Hoh)

an empty bench; lonely.

with two on the bench; filled with smiles.

...and this is spring.

september spring.

2010-09-02T11:54:00.003+10:00

it's september; it's spring.

dresses. sunnies. hats. minimal natural makeup. the love for the sun, the clear blue sky, still allowing wind to flow by. it's perfect isn't it? but is there such thing as perfection?

i figured, imperfection is the perfection.

never seek for perfection. seek for what's the best for you.

of one hope, of one life.

2010-08-10T21:49:00.005+10:00

bracelets, necklaces and rings were displayed at the counter of the shop. as i was about to make my payment, the word HOPE caught my attention. i looked closer. it's a foundation for eating disorder. instantly without any further thoughts, i grabbed the ring and paid.

eating disorder is brutal.

this is my own personal experience. i have always been a chubby kid since young, being picked at and called FAT - all the time. up until today, there are still people (adults in particular, mind you) whom are still calling me fat - in my face.

perhaps this remark may not seem damaging to one's life; seriously, THINK IT THROUGH AGAIN! it does more harm than good. being called fat since...(practically forever)...has result to being extremely weight cautious at a very tender age.

step one, eat less. step two, throw food away (when no one is looking). step three, completely stop eating and only force feed self if parents are getting suspicious. but force feeding eventually leads to throwing up all the food.

and all these while, they thought i was losing weight either due to stress or growing out of my baby fats bit by bit. gastric illness have been with me for 10 years now and they blamed it on the screwed up timing of my meals. but the ugly truth is, it was eating disorder.

the word FAT is brutal and insensitive. kids have feelings too. i dislike the fact how i was the one person that got picked and called fat all the time. of course the best part is, it was the adults who have installed this feeling of insecurities in me at the age of 10. it's not something very nice to say to a kid and worse is when a whole bunch of adult laughed it off with zero thoughts or care about my feelings. instead, when i fought back or cry because of these remarks, i was called sensitive and was told that i'm the one at wrong for throwing tantrums and being upset because of my extreme sensitivity.

so, having been through my own ordeal of eating disorder, i couldn't help it but to buy that ring to help the foundation. eating disorder can be caused by various reasons. mine is still with me up until today.

but, let me say this. as a kid, i was deeply hurt; as almost a grown woman now, my body isn't perfect but nonetheless it's God's creation.

any eating disorder foundation would definitely earn my support.

dilemma.

2010-07-12T04:23:00.004+10:00

with the new semester approaching in 2 weeks time, there are a few more qualms. yet to confirm my second major. two majors. TWO. despite the fact that i've enrolled myself into all of my classes for the next semester, i am still wondering if it is the right option.

i pretty much like the idea of not having exam but only to write.

many at times my heart pulls me back from writing due to recent brutal remarks. not about my writing but more towards the expressing factor.

smile like the sun

2010-07-08T06:29:00.003+10:00

tirelessly trying to fit the many words that have been floating at the back of my head. trying to put them together to construct a sentence. i can't. because i do not know how to write this thought down. maybe i am afraid of writing it down but neither do i want to forget those words. in the end, the words seem to float away too quickly.

sometimes it's best to just keep these thoughts floating in my head.

and when i think too much, i turn to art & crafts.

because julius caesar has once said

2010-06-30T01:49:00.002+10:00

“As a rule, men worry more about what they can't see than about what they can.”

hence, allow the thirty days, the month of june be bygones.

let july hit the calender, the month of julius caesar.

because i'm no rose.

2010-06-23T11:08:00.005+10:00

roses are pretty, but nothing special. to me that is. if you are expecting to hear how much i'm in love with or adore roses, you're probably not going to get it. because the fact is, i am not fond of roses.

not your typical girl that have a soft spot for roses.

however, the very first bouquet of flowers i have received was a bouquet of roses. that of course was during my teenage years. i stared at it for a few split seconds then i turned to him and said "why did you get me roses? i don't like roses." instead of shutting my mouth up and utter two words - thank you, i ignored the fact that it was valentines day. instead, i've practically forced the whole bouquet of roses to fit into my desk to get it out of sight. at the end of the day, i forgot about the bouquet of roses and left it under my desk; to only retrieved it the next day.

will i be doing the same thing if i am to receive a different bouquet of roses from a different person?

i will probably say, a different approach but the fact will remain the same; i do not fancy roses.

i guess my stand on what i believe, like and dislike up until today will never change but what has changed is - i have a different approach to things now.

the past 4 months have been good. ups and downs, it happens. but because i have a different approach to things now, instead of letting anger taking control of me, i have just been remaining calm? (not until it does gets onto my last nerve or really upsets me terribly) i don't know. that is at least what a few friends have told me. then again, it does not mean that they have been telling me what to do and what not to do. except, they have been there for me all the time despite the minor or major time differences. and i guess they have been wondering what in the world have changed me.

the answer is no, i haven't change. i'm still me. i'm still the girl who has anger in me but buried deep inside. what have changed; my views in life have changed. the 4 months i've been away from home. the 4 months i've been away from my parents. the 4 months i've been away from my most trustworthy friends. basically, since the 4 months i've been away from everything that i have been comfortable with for the past 19 years, were not with me. i could not take those away and bring it with me here to Brisbane. as much as i want to, i can't.

time changed me. time changed my perception. time changed my attitude. time changed everything. it was time that does justice.

but in this case, place played a role as well. coming to Brisbane might have meant leaving everything behind. the good, the bad; both had to be left behind. going away was definitely tough because i do not have all the pillars to support me. in a way, i've learnt to stand up and move on, on my own. in the process, i've not only healed myself but also regained my trust in God. i guess the time away from the usual busy competitive city life (not forgetting filled with heaps of unnecessary drama) has toned me down.

coming back to the whole situation of roses. if i'm to receive a bouquet of roses now, i won't be stuffing it into a bag and treat it like trash. instead, i will be bless and grateful with the bouquet of roses.

hard to believe i have a different approach in life now? i thought so too but what have happened in the past and obstacles at present, have taken a toll on me. these 4 months have allowed me to see things in a different perspective and altered my approaches as of for now.

as it is a known fact that we will never be able to see or predict what is being offered to us tomorrow, i am just living life as of today, putting aside the past and with the future unknown; why not take in one day at a time?

today have allowed me to catch up with several friends whom i've been ignoring for the past one or two months due to the busy schedule of mine. it does upsets me to find out certain things. however, what upsets me the most is to see a friend walking down the same path as i did, filled with mistakes. i hope and pray for you to stop anything and everything that is harmful towards you because it doesn't help you in any way possible.

technically, i'm not on my break YET. before i am able to claim my winter break, just one more paper to go. journalism to be exact. then, i can officially proclaim that it's the start of my winter break! FINALLY.

daddy's girl.

2010-06-21T18:04:00.005+10:00

how is it possible that i wrote a post for mom on mother's day and nothing for dad on father's day?

i do believe being your only daughter and your first child, you are extremely caution about every single decision you make on me. the never ending expectations you have upon me, i know you want me to excel but come on old man, you've got to give some breathing space to your daughter here! :P

personally i do believe and know that you do miss having me in the house, be it to pick a fight with me or have our usual mamak session or yumcha. just the two of us.

i understand and saw how hard you have worked for this family and you fought the toughest period of time without any qualms but only wanting the best for all of us. and you did it, which i'm really proud of.

every fall, every mistake and every failure i have made, have broken you into pieces. losing your faith. losing your hope. losing your trust. in me.

but this time around, i'm done being that girl you have to worry for. though i know you will be worried for me for the rest of your life! :) this time around, i want to prove that all your decisions you have made on me are worth it. including making me believe that my writing skills is one of my strengths, that is when i began to notice my love for words.

all the pushing and forcing were done out of love.

but don't you ever think i'll ever forget the scar you left on my left thigh when i was a child and it's still there! :P

Happy Father's Day daddy. :)

I Love You.

ps : i know you stalk my blog daddy!

today, tomorrow and life.

2010-06-18T05:33:00.005+10:00

only when to find out that something has came to an end or gone; forever. then we realize that life isn't as long as it seems.

live for today.

death takes place every day. unexpected measures happens but at the very least, live the life with no regrets. because tomorrow is unknown, we live for today.

for what God have planned out for us, we will never understand or able to foresee and predict. living in the past or letting the past affect the future, it makes life tougher. so, why make life miserable when life is only this SHORT.

no, i'm not saying i'm perfect or have not done any mistake in life. but if it upsets and makes my life miserable, there is always an option to make things better even if it means to cut off unhealthy connections because this life i'm living in, it is mine. it is only once, and it is my life; why not just be happy? as i've just learnt the fact that life is extremely short; being happy and doing things that makes me happy is the most ideal decision.

to learn about a brutal incident that has taken five innocent lives at one go, it's heartbreaking and shocking. R.I.P.

of dream, of reality.

2010-06-16T18:32:00.005+10:00

snuggle up. curl into a fur ball like under abundant quilts. fall into a deep sleep; into a dream.

why dream if it is not going to come true?

because life is real; it's reality.

because too many people go through life running away from something daily.

but i don't want to run or dream.

starry starry night.

2010-06-12T08:07:00.003+10:00

wish upon a shooting star

just a little whisper

just a little voice

say a little prayer, every night

Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth. Luke 3:5

one, two and three.

2010-06-09T22:13:00.002+10:00

if only i'm able to know the entire content of the book by just reading it's cover. it's not possible.

if only the book is open, then only i'm able to read it.

but you closed it.

2010-06-07T22:04:00.003+10:00

silence may be golden but not necessarily the best.

to find out bits and pieces slowly; it does kill.

winter wonderland.

2010-06-04T21:33:00.003+10:00

looking up into the dark sky filled with a million stars, an aeroplane shoots by like a shooting star.

the empty street was tempting. lay on it. look into the sky. count the stars. catch another "shooting star".

i wish and dream.

i'm a sucker for scenic views.

personal essay.

2010-05-27T13:21:00.003+10:00

it is a personal essay to be written for the final assignment. to turn back time and reminisce the past for this piece of essay? those stories have been told. no need for repetition as it is the past.

"Write in a way where other people are identifying with your feelings or your experiences, that in fact you're making a link with that reader, you're not just telling your own story. And I think that's what the best of a personal essay does." - Gabrielle Carey

how will i pull this off?

Stop This Train.

2010-05-25T01:35:00.004+10:00

take it slow.

take your time, girl.

make this journey worthwhile,

with millions of beautiful memories.

it's not about the speed.

it's about a journey filled with amazing beautiful memories.

This Mundane May.

2010-05-20T03:06:00.005+10:00

Three quarter of the fifth month is now - gone.

At this rate, I've been here for three months now. Question is, what have I been doing besides uni life here.

With finals approaching, the pressure is definitely on. I never thought my nerding skills would come crawling back to me. Hence, most of my time spent is in the library. However, the only downside to this nerding routine of mine is backache. Sitting in one position for quite a number of hours in one day doesn't do justice to the spinal cord, even my back stretching isn't of much help. Instead, it's making it worse but the pain is still bearable.

Weather is chilly. With a poor immune system, I cannot stand this autumn wind. Don't want to find out how am I going to survive during winter. But if I have to pick, I'll definitely opt for this chilly weather compared to the hot and humid weather back in Malaysia. ( never ending complains from Steph on the weather that is :P )

I believe the amount of words I've written in this semester, doubled. Creative juice flows at the weirdest time. The word procrastination still exist in my dictionary. What are the odds aye?

Til winter.

I personally do not like promises, because promises can be broken.

rewrite.

2010-05-13T11:30:00.005+10:00

five thousand words.

this story on this fourteenth, i loathe.

Give me the answers to those questions I
Asked before we blew away
'Cause when you move, you're like a butterfly
Flown away

roses are overrated.

2010-05-07T13:45:00.003+10:00

not too long ago, it was your birthday. but today, it's mother's day.

there are a million words i can use to describe you but there is only one person called my mom.

Happy Mother's Day Mummy.

lie is your surname but you NEVER lie to me.

2010-04-27T18:26:00.003+10:00

all it took was a four words sentence to see you online. i'm glad to have you by my side at all times dear - no matter how far apart we are. you have never fail to make me feel better. when i sobbed, you craved a smile on my lips. lub lub.

PS : DON'T GO TO MARINA BAY AND UNIVERSAL STUDIO WITHOUT ME!!!!! WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!!!!!

she goes to camp!

2010-04-24T16:07:00.000+10:00

Easter holiday has gone by so quickly. It has been an awesome holiday in fact. Kicked off the holidays with the 3 days camp at Natural Bridge. No regrets for this camp at all because not only it has helped me realize how fragile I have gotten and uptight, this camp has given me a wake up call to learn and fell the presence of God's unfailing grace. After all those months of refraining myself due to the past, now hopefully in time to come i will be heal. Indeed it was a camp that has been explored and definitely exploded.

A pit stop to experience Natural Bridge in broad daylight was so good. Glow worms at night and waterfall in the day. I've seen them both and it's beautiful.

Detour to Surfer's Paradise was one of the best decision made! Max Brenner serves such good chocolate drinks. So deliciously good.

The result from camp - aching sore thighs which took 2 days to recover. Wasted no time to bother about full recovery of my thighs and went straight to the next activity.

Cravings for meatballs brought Pei and I to Ikea. The sit and talk - get to know more - with her was good. Partners in crime!

Crab catching, fishing, yabee catching, wind surfing, kayaking and swimming in the lagoon worked my muscles up again. It was an absolute good weather and perfect on Julie's birthday.

Easter week was definitely wonderful.

PS : been 2 weeks ago since the holiday! :)

supermom

2010-04-17T13:52:00.003+10:00

Mummy is the greatest. Supermom she is - not giving up on me since pregnancy days. She whom have put up with all the pains and sorrows, before and after my birth, she is indeed my mom. I've spent the past 19 years with you on your birthday and this year you hit the big five-o without me. However, I will always remember your birthday and you.

Happy Birthday mummy! :)

love, your daughter.

ps : daddy stalker, don't smirk when you read this. love you too!

fourteenth

2010-04-14T21:11:00.003+10:00

on the fourteenth, you made my day.

on the fourteenth, you broke my heart.

on this fourteenth, i played colbie caillat on my iTouch.

on this fourteenth, i didn't cry.

2010-04-11T21:14:00.006+10:00

Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.

-- Elbert Hubbard

hot autumn

2010-04-11T01:28:00.003+10:00

Words are powerful. Words can kill one's feelings but it can also bring joy.

My love have been found for quite some time now; words.

If I am to choose, I will want to fall in love with every word that brings me joy and ignore words that brings me pain.

i said i would never tear for you again; i lied.

listening to : none

smallville on screen.

amazing autumn

2010-04-03T02:46:00.004+10:00

It's now Autumn. Weather is getting colder. I didn't opt any warm clothing to wrap myself around. Instead, I've settled with my 5 years old white tank top and a green shorts with yellow lining and billabong printed on it. I'm feel more comfy this way, to bed that is.

Delta Goodrem songs are without doubt - gorgeous. Her voice is amazingly beautiful. I'm very much in love with all her songs right now.

You may wonder what makes me blog at this ungodly hour. It is now 3am and I am still very much awake, not being able to sleep just yet. Despite the fact that I have to greet the morning sun at 830am to prepare myself for my very first camp in my whole entire life - almost 20 years now. Well, at least I'm hitting to a camp before my age begins with the number 2 in front. Technically I'm only 19 since I'm an August baby.

Words are powerful. Inspiration strikes, words flows. I dislike going about without inspiration especially during times when I'm desperately in need of it. 250 words of essay is no doubt easy but what if it has been two consecutive weeks of open topic? This open topic essay isn't just a piece of 250 words essay that you can simply pen down anything and hand it in. Paragraphs with a topic sentence and internal flow has to be taken into consideration. Also, it has to have a coherent meaning. With the inspiration, I've written my essay within 15 minutes before my 4 hours deadline. Whether it's a good piece or not, I'll wait til my result shows.

how could something so magic become something so tragic?

on a random note, I am now such an expert in packing. I've packed my clothes (3 days 2 nights), flip flop, towel, toiletries, torchlight, a tube of cream for insect bites (which I've got heaps since I've arrived - uptil today), bed sheet, pillow and 2 jumpers into one small yellow bag. Bible - iTouch! :)

okay. goodnight. time to turn in. seriously.

listening to - Not Me, Not I ( Delta Goodrem)

Goodbye March

2010-03-28T01:07:00.003+10:00

He was just so predictable, everything he does. It was so easy to read him. Every move. Every game. His mistakes he has done in every way. He said he wouldn't make the same mistake he has done before. But this lie he told, crushed her into a million pieces.

She remembered every moment, never thought that that day was the last goodbye. Last hug. Last kiss. Last goodbye.

No, I'm not feeling emo. This piece, a part of my essay that I've handed in. Aced a total of 80% on the first essay. Another 4 essays to go. Open topics for essays are cool but I dislike having to think about what I want to write on that piece of essay. Anyhow, Easter is approaching - holidays. :)

Til mid terms - study.

much love.

it marks the first month.

2010-03-18T18:15:00.001+10:00

A month has gone by and today marks my first month in Brisbane.

Things have been rather good. The list of things that I will never do in Malaysia and I've done it here; it just got longer.

Recent activity is wind surfing. It is a tough sport and requires a lot of energy and muscles. I however only managed to balance myself and probably only sailed 1-2 meters in the water before falling into the water with a big splash. Nonetheless, I had great fun and it was definitely a great experience. Would definitely give it a go again the next time.

Also, I'm now tan. The asian yellow fair skin have now turned into cappuccino brown and I'm loving it.

Uni life here isn't as hectic as it was back in Malaysia. Sure there are heaps to do but things are just slower here. There are heaps to read and write since Journalism and Effective Writing are among the two subjects I'm taking out of the maximum of four. Western Culture was pretty much not my thing and dropping that subject was the best option. Hence, Social Science has been the replacement. The elective subject didn't need to be given much thought to it, Marketing was my choice. With the total of these four subjects, I'm pretty much swamp with tests for the first assessment per subject.

Time to turn back to the books. This essay for Effective Writing is by far the longest 250 words for me.

Til Easter Holidays. :)

much love.

chrissy chris. :)

my little brat.

2010-03-07T00:23:00.002+10:00

For a girl at your age, you're mature. I sure did see you grow into a young pretty lady now. :) The times we both had for the past 6 years were fun; annoying one another. There were times where you see me every week until I got stuck with my job 2 years back. Then again, we still had our moments where we would complain about our own personal life to each other. Those good and bad. Those time we had, it will be with me no matter how old I get. The age gap between us never did fail our friendship to grow. What more when I had always treated you like my own sister. I LOVE YOU as much as you annoy me. :) HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY DEAR. :)

I do miss you a lot BRAT! :P

♥

ps : the note you wrote for me still touches my heart. :) tons of love.

It is six thousand four hundred fifty eight . seventy two kilometers

2010-02-22T19:04:00.004+10:00

Hello Malaysia, from Brisbane!

After so many years being in the city, the sudden change of environment wasn't much of a shock to me surprisingly. In fact, I like it pretty much.

Instead of the constant shopping like I used to do in KL, beaches and mountains became my choices here. If not, the nearest mall will be my pick but minus the word shopping. I think that word is out from my vocabulary for this period of time.

I've climbed a tree. I've taken a bus to uni, which I would never do with the KL buses. The amount of walking a day here sums up the amount of walking for a week in KL (or more). City life has completely changed 360 degrees. I've even walked my cousin's dog for an hour plus last night. I could never do these things in KL, not because I chose not to do so; it's the safety in KL that has taken away the freedom from me that I could get here.

Busy city life no more. Shopping no more.

Can't wait for the second arrival of my clothes and heels! Oh, handbags as well! And tons of stuff. :D AND hellooooo to my other red pillow. Eh cousins who will be traveling with my pillow, don't kill me pillooowwww!

I hope my brother isn't trashing my very much lovely pink room back in KL.

I also hate the time difference. I can never catch my lovelies on skype! What more the ones in UK.

Til uni begins and the arrival of more clothes, handbags and heels. Oh, dream world as well! :D

Resolution, the second and third.

2010-02-15T11:36:00.007+10:00

In this moment of time when it is close to another chapter in life, heavyhearted I feel; of leaving this comfort zone that has been mine for the past 19 years. However, letting go of this comfort zone is what I have got to learn for the new adventures and new beginnings ahead.

Every story has an end but in mine; every ending is just the new beginning.

This is the second resolution of the year.

14th February 2010, Chinese New Year and so happen another occasion fell on the same exact day; much overrated Valentine's Day. It doesn't matter how many occasions in a day, what matters most now is the time being spent with family and people whom i love.

Started of CNY with a ROAR with the usual Sunday service. Hoh's Family legendary vegetarian food gave me a hearty meal. Numbers of ang paus doubled this year! :D with more CASH.

By far, this roaring CNY has not only been filled with the heatwave but first and foremost worshipping Him before the enjoyment. Putting Him first and learning His words for He will be there for me at all times.

This is the third resolution of the year.

Okay, so I admit I have not blog about my religion belief before. However I personally think that what's more important is that I personally accept His existence's in my life.

Insomnia still. Affecting my facial as well. Oh well. Let's lullaby til I sleep. :)

Til Brisbane, very soon.

Resolution, the first.

2010-02-06T14:06:00.004+10:00

Counting down the days I have got left in Msia. It's happening way too soon.

Certain things can't be salvage. Certain things can. When things turned out to be awfully wrong, you can only be selfish and make yourself happy. To be love and in order to love, I've been told to love myself first.

Learn the art of love, the relationship I have with my body and soul. To love my own weaknesses and strengths and to learn them.

This is my first resolution of the year.

Til then, moments of joy for the remaining days I have left in Msia.

PS : Packing have been awfully tough.

it is happening way too soon.

2010-01-16T05:18:00.002+10:00

In a couple of weeks time, it's hello Brisbane. So much to do, so little time. Spending as much time possible with the family and friends.

It's so weird that i won't be here in Msia when Carmen's coming back for Easter Break. It's too weird. We have definitely came a LONG way and made this beautiful friendship happened.

A song i will never forget when it's being played. It will always remind me of Joanne. Things she has done for me. Put up with all my nonsense. Tons of love dear. And happy 20th birthday to you as well. :)

Ochacha's ex colleagues. This bond we have formed with one another, though i'm the youngest among the lot. (stop saying i look old puhlease!) Without a doubt, the working experience with all of you is the best. Always behind my back and looking after me. Sara Yeap, Snow, Li Wah, Edward and last but not least; my dai lou Nick.

Nick, you've been my tutor, my friend, my senior at Taylors, my ex colleague and my brother! I was a pain in the ass as your student. Thank you for tutoring me and being there for me at times when i needed to talk. Winnie, the sister in law has been treating me good as well. :)

The remaining days i have left in Msia. SIGH. so short. :(

Looking forward for 29th Jan 2010. :) heehee.

I deserve to be happy, don't you think so?

All in all, much love. Til Brisbane.

the last of 2009.

2009-12-30T09:47:00.004+10:00

As year 2009 is about to come to an end, reminiscing the past and walking down memory lane of 2009 of the many ups and downs that had affected my life in this year. There are incidents that have brought joy and laughter, some brought heartaches and tears. All in all, they've became lessons.

The year of 2009 didn't start of well. In terms of health, it has been a rather bumpy ride. Many at times, the amount of sleep were not sufficient. It has not only lead to sleepiness and being moody at certain times but being admitted to hospital, irregular heartbeats (palpitation rather often) and fainted as well. Health wasn't at the tip top condition at most times.

However, i'm really grateful that in those difficult moments, not only the parents were there for me but friends and the love, nic yong.

Relationship wise. Parents are parents. They don't change. They nagged and scolded me for my mistakes but they were also there for me when i needed them the most. Dad protects me from being harm. Mummy has always been patient with my mood swings and unacceptable notorious attitudes. But even so, she took a step to help me to regain my strength during my most difficult time with my own personal life. Sometimes i say words that are hurtful and it has definitely hurt them in many ways but as the years are passing by and i'm growing older, opening up to them about many things have became an easier routine. They have tried to provide my needs, also accepted and supported my decision to study aboard in the following year.

Personal relationship definitely has it ups and downs as well. Deeply, i miss penang trip the most with nic yong. Sure when people said that courting days are always the sweetest, indeed it was. As the relationship grew, arguing with one another became a daily routine. Even when he had left to continue his studies in Australia, every argument brought up by me was absurd and silly. He did all he could to provide happiness but it was never enough for me, demanding much? The hardest point was to see him leave. Then, things didn't only went rough but tough for the both of us. But, there isn't a moment of not missing him.

I was a workaholic previously. It was tough to juggle between full time studying and part time working. In the 8th month of year 2009, I've decided to put a stop to it due to many reasons. Workload of assignments and health problems came in the way. That's when i've decided to put a stop to it. Sure i miss working life but they are plenty of time to do so. At that time, putting a stop to working life was the only way to regain my strength for studies.

Friends come and go. Time frame doesn't determine who are the true friends. The one from UK stayed on skype for 5 hours with me, to make sure i would go to sleep. 2 carried me to the clinic when i've fainted. Some are just behind these pictures but without fail, were always there for me; constantly asking and checking me up just to make sure i was alright. One from uni will always be the closest to my heart. Since foundation days, she had put up with my nonsense all the time and still the for me.

All in all, 2009 wasn't that bad of a year. It did begin badly but hopefully it will come to an end a little better.

2010 will begin in Malaysia and as the days passes by, it will be a hello to Brisbane soon. The rest will remain as mysteries.

shopping nightmare.

2009-12-20T20:03:00.008+10:00

nightmares that have been haunting me for the past few months never allow me to sleep with the lights off. but what if my nightmare was about shopping?

i still am sleeping with the lights on.

a rather uncalled for trip to singapore was planned at the very last minute. not so mummy like kinda thing when it came from her!

another uncalled for incident is shopping - without limit.

nightmare begun when i've received a text about results. shopping nightmare begun after that with the mummy's approval and daddy's phrase "shopping charge on the credit cards". and then i went blastic. :D

after 3 hours of shopping, $6 left. :p

the end result.

*i've bought more than i needed and up til today, i have no idea how much i've spent there. ( i refuse to calculate )
*i'm totally in love with the local designers there mainly hurs and yatch 21. bought like 6 pieces from there! :D

and oh,

christmas presents. :D
heels and dresses. ( gotten them already! )

all i want for christmas.

2009-12-01T12:33:00.007+10:00

am officially done with first year uni, holidays begun 2 weeks back. :) had enough sleep to cover all those sleepless nights.

i hope for the best for the both of you. the two of you are very strong ladies. can't wait til you guys get back from UK. :) the both of you will be able to get through it. i believe you will. tons of love.

the abundant concerns i've gotten for this entire period, much appreciated. long lists of advices i've gotten. too long to even list it out.

who would skype with you for 5 hours just to see you in tears and wait til you fall asleep? and i will do the same for you if you need it, alright babe? :)

the never ending question "christine, are you okay?"
i'm not, but i try. :)

things may have turned ugly, but beautiful memories remain. i believe they'll be rainbow after the heavy downpour. and it will be, for my two beautiful strong ladies as well.

christmas presents list! :D

jealous much?

2009-11-23T12:23:00.005+10:00

daddy once told me girls are naturally jealous and it often happens on females compared to males. coming from daddy about this, i couldn't and wouldn't deny it.

jealousy is a part of us, especially females. it's not that we do not know the existence of it in us but we simply can't help it when it strikes. jealous over a petty issue. most girls are the same. a number would probably deny when they are being confronted over this, but why? we would often tell that we're not, however our facial expressions betray us in the end. it's something that we can't control.

sometimes we may overlook this feeling but at times, we will overreact.

being able to control this emotion, i wished i could have done better dealing with this feeling.

twisted riddle.

2009-11-15T01:30:00.003+10:00

This road is anything but simple. Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low.

a big twist on this 14th. unexpected.

unfold.

2009-11-09T22:30:00.004+10:00

things that have went bad years ago, they're now patched. though not all of them but at least a few. how things have changed. how we have changed. in every way. after all, it takes both hands to clap. looking back, it was the stir of the moment that took charged of our anger that has led to reckless decisions, hurtful words and scarred hearts.

lessons were learnt.

however, some things will remain the same.

i love how we look back and say "we were once young and stupid". having a good laugh about friendships that turned into cat fights and now, the present. how i adore friendships of 10 years or more which we have practically spent half of our lives growing up with one another, they are all not worth being thrown into the deep sea and be forgotten about.

little girl.

2009-11-08T01:12:00.002+10:00

so much to do, so little time.
so much to say, so little words.

when i was a little girl, i wanted to grow older as quickly as possible. thinking that there are much freedom gain and i can do whatever i want. as high school life came along, i pretty much screwed up there but i can't deny that those 5 years have allowed me to learn and grow in every way possible. it has strengthen, toughen and made me understand the beauty of pain and heartache. when high school came to an end, it was a huge relief to leave all those nasty images behind. college came by not too long after that, it wasn't bad. it was alright and one year of college came to an end in a blink of an eye. university it is now. first year of uni is about to end, applications to unis in aussie were all sent out 2 weeks back. and now, in 2 months time...

i wish i am a little girl all over again.

nothing to be worried about in all aspects. money. education. future. job. love. relationship. the thought about what is awaiting me in the future lies unknown scares me at times. too many choices and decisions.

i guess i'm at the phase of finding my soul or self. whatever you call it.

accepted

2009-11-06T09:43:00.004+10:00

couldn't be happier about this. and when it hit me, that i will have to leave all i have here.

Gamble.

2009-11-03T20:00:00.001+10:00

Life is a gamble.
Take it or leave it.

I take it. :)

TRALALALA.
assignment craze!
essays. presentation. weblogs. html. and more essays!
WOOTZ.

M.I.A

2009-10-31T16:18:00.001+10:00

MIA for as long as i want and need.
bye.

caffeine again?

2009-10-22T19:01:00.003+10:00

is it even wise to push forward the deadlines for ALL my assignments?
just so i can get done with all of them a week earlier and head off to work. how now? hmm....

i may then need to be high on caffeine again. wootz.

coffee, my drug.

2009-10-19T23:19:00.004+10:00

a week gone.
everyday seems like a month to me.

this is tough.
i've been constantly throwing bitch fits for no specific reason. i've been considerably TOO sensitive over the slightest thing that has never seem to be a problem to me previously. i've been a completely different person.

I LOATHE LDR.
URGH.

however, knowing that it's wrong to even compare and blame it on the past for my recent obnoxious behaviour, it shouldn't be the way it is.

been up for almost 40 hours now. assignments never fail to kill my body.
the 3rd cup of coffee for today. i'm so getting screwed from the doctor. SIGH.

appetite, none.
sleep, none.

this is killing me.

when can we finally skype? :(

memories, good and bad.

2009-10-17T11:53:00.002+10:00

back in 1993

recent trip to genting. 2009.

genting oh genting.
the memories.

I can remember all those
great times we had
There were so many
memories, some good
some bad
Yes and through it all
Those memories will last
Forever

two A's driving me nuts!

2009-10-15T23:10:00.006+10:00

applications.
assignments.

another 2 unis to apply to, latest by next week tops. what's going to happen later on? i hope the plans will be a smooth sailing one.

staring into my laptop screen, with the editing and all the typing to do. in total of 3 assignments to do for this week. i'm about to die soon. photoshop cs2 is way outdated but i'm using what i've got now to do whatever i am able to. my dell xps m1330 is overheating once again. afraid that the motherboard might crash again like before. in need of more storage to back up my files but the 1TB hard disc crashed after 3 days of purchasing it. i think lappies and computer hardwares hates me. :(

keeping myself busy. obviously i am with the amount of assignments i've got. despite so, to no avail. mcquin keeps appearing into my head despite trying my hardest not to think of him for a minute. no, definitely it doesn't feel the same anymore. 4162 kilometers apart.

i'm still pretty much in denial.

daddy was being such a busybody, tried to read while i'm blogging this. he'll log into the blog to read later on anyway.

sneezing every 5 seconds. it feels cold but i'm sweating. and i cannot stay away from coffee just yet though i'm suppose to. owh well. assignments assignments assignments! universities and applications!
oh the pressure. SIGH.

there are so much to tell you. but only if you have the time for me. waiting for you is like waiting for rainbow to appear, after a downpour.

3rd 14th.

2009-10-14T01:40:00.004+10:00

so many assignments, so little time. i'm rather tired and worn out. SIGH. trying to fight the sleepiness but to no avail. i'm still trying hard now. :)

HAPPY 3rd of 14th bie.
i'm done with all the writings about you. :p have fun for your first class that you have in Curtins tomorrow! HEHE. :p if you get bored and the 14th crosses your mind about our day, flip to the page on your notebook. :D enjoy reading then! :p
i less than 3 you nicholas yong ming cquin. :)

♥♥♥

there you go. 3 hearts for you! :p

argh. back to storyboard drawing now. :(
i-vy ah, saya mau tidur. your bed very comfy to sleep now.

the reality hits!

2009-10-12T23:23:00.004+10:00

seeing him driving off from my house. one last look before i will see him again, not knowing when.

reminiscing on the past. since the first day we've met at starbucks. no, not your typical starbucks love at first sight story. waiting in the line and getting to know one another that easily. no it wasn't. you wish it was that.

in fact it was the total opposite. i was actually giving him the hardest time on earth at that point of time. who one earth annoys the crap of one another when they first meet? we did. every comment he has to say, i will return with a unbeatable comeback which left him speechless after hours of trying. he then gave up and kept silence throughout the entire dinner and the drive back to my place.

we have had our ups and downs. arguing about the slightest thing ever. reconcile the weirdest way ever as well! i hate it when i easily laughed to his jokes. even if they are not funny.

he's the most egoistic guy i've ever met. nonetheless, he's sweet and caring as well. he's there with me when i'm ill, despite in penang or KL. yes, i'm a very weak girl, health wise. a stubborn patient as well. who needs medicine when the love drug cures all illnesses? :p

i'm wishing you all the best in perth, bie. :)
i will see you soon. really soon! :) i hope.

lose those weight as you've said you will! HAHA!
BE GOOD THERE. no fooling around or i will ask emily, vane and steff to find you! emily's in perth btw. she's the nearest to help me kill you! :p

OH PLEASE.

cut down on coke and ciggies.
you must be going "yes, she's not going to nag me anymore! i'm free from her nagging!"

all the best in perth and your studies penglet.
i less than three you nicholas yong ming cquin.

ps : my daddy gave you that ancient coin that i've never seen before! WTHECK! =.="

don't.

2009-10-09T09:15:00.003+10:00

why bother to mend a broken vow?

pointless.

fragile as it was before.
broken it is now.
mending it is a waste of time.
it will never ber the same again.
don't bother.

of your lies and empty words.

total black out.

2009-10-08T16:22:00.002+10:00

and let the countdown begin.

in FOUR days time.

another encounter with the needle. SIGH. thank you to the LOVERS. if i was all alone at that point, God knows what will happen. thank you for informing the boyf and my parents for me. :)

a red line, almost seem like a scar printed on the face now. chipped tooth as well.

tons of rest needed, not when due dates for assignments are approaching REAL SOON.

it's a perfect life, too good to be true.

2009-10-06T21:32:00.007+10:00

sitting on the rattan stool, out in the balcony enjoying the wind blowing my hair. the evening view of the sunset. music playing on the laptop. the mouth watering aroma from the kitchen, waiting to be called for dinner with the boyf's family. food was delicious. time spent with his siblings, fun. life's perfect like this.

it's too good to be true.

knowing 12th of october is approaching really soon, i'm still in much denial.

how i wish time will stop at this very moment.

quarter four.

2009-10-02T23:12:00.005+10:00

it's the forth quarter of the year now. about 6-7 weeks of uni left for the second semester. then, it will be four months long of summer holidays. much anticipated. so want to head off to aussie to meet up with the cousins!

wake me up when september ends. it definitely has. in about a week time, another test will be taken. life oh life. something new. a new adventure in life i will have to face. LDR. how fun. sarcasm of course. owh well.

after the 3 days 2 nights of fun at hotel maya, now, uni life is kicking in back again. tons of research to do. presentations and whatnot. staring into the lappie is killing me all over again. rest and proper amount of sleep is what i need. SIGH. i will just suck it all up and strive.

i'm glad that things have been cleared out between the both of us. friends of many years since primary one. let bygones be bygones. things may not be the same as how it was before but if we do meet up someday, i'll be happy. no grudges held, at all. :)

fun in the sun.

2009-09-24T13:32:00.005+10:00

one week break has done some good. not that there is a break from the assignments, but the sun has been treating me well. instead of curling up in the bed and being unhealthy, waking up by 730am every morning to the song good girls gone bad as my alarm ringtone.

swimming has been rather fun. for 3 days in the row. :) not to forget, the boyf has been such a beast for throwing me into the pool. drown me out of the sudden. the 'sex' in the pool with the lover. such a funny scene. :p

and now, it's time to turn to my assignments back. sigh.

10 reasons not to work...

2009-09-13T12:15:00.005+10:00

...for relatives.

1. taken advantage off.

2. say no if there isn't black and white.

3. income isn't a fix amount. it fluctuates.
eg : the first and second month may be acceptable but the following months, it's up to the employer. hence, always have black and white to back you up.

4. rude and harsh comments will be flying out of their mouths.
eg : you stupid fool. or worse. (in all 3 languages, malay, chinese and english.)

5. when you are pilled up with assignments, knowing that in the weekend the shop is short of staff. hence, being called in for work even though after you declined. as a result, you bring your assignments along. why
do so? because working hours is 12 hours long and need to complete the assignments as well!!!

6. no break time?
eg : when you're out of the shop, he/she (employer) calls to ask for you and you're out for break, he/she scolds for 'lepaking'. actual fact, it's BREAK TIME.

7. call the parents to check up on you.
eg : calls to the parents will be made. to even check up whether the news about hospitalization was true
or a lie.

8. rumours from he/she (employer) will be spread out from their mouth though it isn't true.
eg : no. 5. when you're using the laptop at work to do research, he/she termed it as playing with lappie.

9. rude and disrespectful employer.
eg : like no. 4. interrupt conversations between the customers and worker. as a result, failed business!

10. it just gives you more trouble than you need. so, forget working for relatives.

as for me, i've gotten my own taste of it. wouldn't want to go through it again. late pay cheque and whatnot. and yes, all of the above, i've gotten them before.

what next?

i don't think i will acknowledge them anymore. considering the last time i did, he/she sarcastically talked to me and walked off when i wanted to ask for my 2 months late pay cheque!!!
oh yes, if you do work for relatives. always insist on a black and white. helps A LOT.
sucks that i didn't keep insisting on that one!

inside out

2009-09-13T01:04:00.000+10:00

In fairness I was an easy sell
Though I'm embarrassed to admit it to myself
And the worst part is you know it all too well
So don't take advantage or my transparent shell, no
But I think you know what I need impossible as it may seem
And I think it's easy to see

I am awake, it's getting late
I'm in no state to be alone now, yeah I'm alone now
Come light the fire in my room
I think I'm losing all control now, I don't even know how
But I'm in your rip tide and now I'm inside out

I'm in the corner of the street cafe
And my heart is warmer since I heard from you today
Like a shallow creek I am gleaming
No chance of keeping any secrets
Have I lost enough security yet?

I tried to hide it, I can't deny it
Now I'm inside out
Say you love me, yeah all or nothing, oh
Now I'm inside out

I am awake, it's getting late
I'm in no state to be alone now, yeah I'm alone now
Come light the fire in my room
I think I'm losing all control now
I don't even know how

Kate Voegele.

wake me up when september ends.

2009-09-05T14:36:00.003+10:00

september it is already. how fast time flies.

assignments kills.
sleepless nights.

&

the time left, lesser.

when september ends. reality hits.

big SIGH.

at the age of 19

2009-08-28T19:07:00.006+10:00

application to Queensland U has been sent. :) credit transfer is the hassle. hopefully, everything goes well.

feeling rather confused. not about the uni application, more of life.

turning a year older is a yearly phase. clad in my baby pink sleeping dress, i sit and wonder. thinking of the past that has gone by, the present that i'm facing and the future unknown. how much have i done in my past years, how much have i learnt in my past years, how much shits i've gotten into in my past years that has turned me to become who i am today.

i'm not only talking about the most recent years. ever since a kid, the comments and comparisons i can never run away from has somewhat affected who i am today. i've learnt to ignore. i've learnt to turn upon a deaf ear as well. most importantly, i've learnt to be a better person.

indeed, without the guidance from my parents, i wouldn't be who i am now. i do not come from an extremely strict family, strict enough to teach me some lessons i'll never forget. i remember this incident, i was such a naughty little girl who had itchy fingers. i drew and painted the walls of my parents room. my hands were then tied up to the railings of the stairs for the entire day.

dinner at restaurants weren't unusual to me especially family reunions. running around the restaurant, treating it as a playground was what my dad despised of me doing. he ended up pulling both my ears and carried me up in the air.

i never dare to fight my dad's words. mom on the other hand was a whole different story. as i have heard of the story that was told to me, how tough was it for mom during her pregnancy time with me. when dad was away for a business trip, an ordeal i had to see how mom suffered. at the age of 11, not knowing what to do, calls i have made to uncles and aunties for help. rushing mom to the hospital. about 2 to 3 weeks back, i asked mom when was she diagnosed with though the pictures aren't clear in my head, but i do remember dad brought me along to the hospital to pay mom a visit at the age of 5.

i won't deny that i have had my moments where i "hate" my parents. i would rebel. i would disagree. i would shout. i would scream. because of things they have stopped me from doing.

i am thankful how my parents made me learn; cook, hand wash my clothes, ironing (i hate this), sew (this is in the blood! :p) and the rest. how they stood by me during my toughest time with my love life. in those years, i've never open up to mom about all these. however, recently, she knows. she asked. she talked. the time she spent in my room just to talk to me, to know what is happening with that part of life where the most of us would want to hide it away from our parents.

though that part of my life, i would not say i'm unhappy about it, i am contented to have met him. yes, it may not be love of first sight ( i don't believe in this crap anyway ) but the never ending lame argument somewhat brought us together. no, it didn't happen as quick as lighting. in fact, it took awhile. not to forget what a bitch i was to him for the first 2 months since we've met. i'm not saying i will settle down with him. :) HECK NO. to have someone that has been supporting me for what i do and there for me emotionally, not to mention trusting me with his BARNEY car ( i've scratched it twice ). hehe. :p how he took care of me in penang when i felt ill. being lame. making me laugh. we do have our moments of disagreements. when we quarrel, it's like lightning and thunder. both who cannot keep their cool. eventually, at the end, either one will give in. (for now that is. :p)

* i walked down the stairs, walked towards dad. hugged him. he asked, what's wrong. i said, i was writing and then i teared. i love you. and he smiled at me. :) *

honestly, i didn't feel as though i've turned 19 yesterday when i was out with nic.
mom called, wished me. knew i was going to be out the entire day till the wee hours.
funniest thing, dad thought i went out at noon, not knowing i was up in my room. he called and wished me happy birthday. asked where i am. i answered, dii, i'm in my room!!

i walked down the stairs, we laughed. :)

and the brother?

i demanded for a present before i left home! :p

19 now, so what. i have my studies to worry about now. Queensland U.

but, it's not the end of august YET. the SALES signs are not down yet. which means, at least 3 days to shop! :)

thank you daddy and mummy for the past 18 years of my life.
thank you mcquin.

last but not least,
thank you to all the wishes via facebook, phone calls and text. :)

and now.
shopping, anyone? :D

HOPE 6

2009-08-18T23:50:00.002+10:00

of truth and lies
hoping only for the truth
hoping there isn't any lie

isn't that what relationship is all about?
lies you tell
trust you will lose

hoping for forgiveness
you will only be hoping
in your dreams

HOPE 5

2009-08-15T09:46:00.002+10:00

the last call
the last text message
there was an instance silence

he has left
boarded the plane
excited for his little adventure

hoping that he is doing fine
hoping that he is coping well
hoping that he will call
hoping that he will text
to only say, "baby, i've safely landed."

she crossed the calender
everyday
hoping for the 13th to arrive

as midnight struck and finally hits the 13th of august, the joy in her
couldn't contain her excitement

moment he walked out of the departure hall
she looked at him across the hallway
he tilted his head and smiled

she was hoping for more than just a smile.

friday the 14th

2009-08-15T01:38:00.003+10:00

HAPPY 14th fatty!

i question, how did i stand you for this long? hmm...
and the same goes to you too. :)

thank you for putting up with all my mood swings and whatnot. thank you for cutting your trip short just to be back before the 14th. thank you for the giftssss....

thank you for taking care of me in penang. thank you for being my driver! oh yea. AHMAD. :) teehee.

oh yes.

how can i forget. the never ending lameness from you. i've beaten you! FLAT OUT! :D nyek nyek.

i HOPE for the many more 14th's ahead of us.

tons of ♥ , YOU FATTY! :)

HOPE 4

2009-08-08T19:21:00.005+10:00

i HOPE for thursday.
13th of august.
to arrive.
QUICKKKKK....

he hits 20!

2009-08-07T23:00:00.003+10:00

HAPPY 20th BLESSED BIRTHDAYYYY....!!!

been years we have known. the ups and downs of our own little dramas. there for each other. helping out one another. giving moral support. the best pair of ears i can ever ask for. late night midnight calls til the wee hours in the morning.

this list will go on.
no doubt those things will never fit into this blog post. even if it does, i won't. :)
there are just incredibly TOO much to write.

to sum it all up, though you are working today. it's still your birthday. have a blast at work. blast the kitchen off or whatsoever. :) hehe.
many happy returns.
your present. tunggu larhh!!! *still thinking* :p

much love.
:)

ps : we have ONE picture together only after so many years of friendship! WTHECK!

never

2009-08-05T01:46:00.002+10:00

never good at saying goodbye
never thought i will tear
never knew how much it affected me
never knew how much you meant to me

til the 13th
i will run straight back into your arms
i will hug
i will kiss

for as long as seven days

HOPE 3

2009-07-29T23:58:00.002+10:00

sometimes don't you guys hope and wish that you can read the female's mind?
i've got this off from an email sent to me. these are the 9 words that we women often uses.

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

i had a good laugh to it. definitely smirked through out reading it. :)

HOPE 2

2009-07-27T23:49:00.000+10:00

SALES!!!

they are everywhere. i swear, it's like a huge challenge not to splurge. God may be testing my willpower.

because.

with my purse empty. how to shop?!

i HOPE...

there are tons of $$$$ in my purse. :(
paycheck please.

HOPE

2009-07-22T13:41:00.003+10:00

search
seek
hunt

we...

HOPE.

hoping to search
hoping to seek
hoping to hunt

the best amongst the best
the highest amongst the highest

the hope we have in us, in every single search. we will seek, we will hunt high and low. no matter how long it takes, the time that will be spent on the search. HOPING for it to appear.

where it all took place.

2009-07-17T20:31:00.002+10:00

penang trip up next.
survived almost a week without internet connection.

thank goodness for the fatty's blackberry! wootz.
i do actually like it at penang. :)
definitely don't mind staying there! teehee.

now, i've got to lose all the fats i've gained in penang!!!
organic and vege diet, here goes.

140709 ❤

thomas sabo cherry. =)

2009-07-11T10:32:00.004+10:00

leaving for Penang in a few hours time! can't wait.
4 days in Penang. wootz!

thank you for the cherry charm. love it.

xo.

love affair.

2009-07-10T01:35:00.000+10:00

lookout point. my new hang out place.
best part, it's just 5 minutes away from my house! =)

holidays. pretty awesome! the best so far.
can't wait for this weekend!
will be away from KL up til tuesday.

i miss jo the cow so much. =(

because they mean that much to me

2009-07-03T00:40:00.003+10:00

friends are everywhere. total number of friends may be uncountable but a total number of close trustworthy friends are countable. from kindergarden to primary and then secondary to college/univeristy. the number of friends would definitely grow. however, only a small sum you choose to open up to, or even trust.

joanne lie. the times you have been by my side. supporting me through the obstacles. receiving your text early this morning almost made me tear. it was a simple text but you meant every word you've said. and i know. through the times you have been there for me, helping me out and so on so forth. i can't seem to be able to put them into words. i do adore you. i do respect you. i do trust you. i believe in you. and. i LOVE you too. thank you so much. from the bottom of my heart. i really do love and sayang you ALOT.

lim i-vy. i'm sorry i have given you the LANSI stare fist day of college. nevertheless, you have been a wonderful friend. at times when i needed someone, you were there for me. you were my ears. listened to my never ending stories that have probably bore you. being able to get to know you better is one of the best decision made. i love you. being crazy. doing nonsense. the laughter. and also times when i needed someone to be by my side, you were there for me. the most recent obstacle that is. thank you very much. that doesn't include introducing nic to me ah!

like finally...

2009-06-30T23:54:00.004+10:00

holidays.
just what i needed. what could go wrong? my sleeping hours. knowing that i need longer hours of sleep due to my weak body. pathetic isn't it?

without uni and assignments. my body is still such a haywire!
i sleep early and i get up at around 4 or 5am in the morning.
this is NUTS!

holidays are great so far. =)

miss you joanne lie!
miss you monnie monster the cookie monster!

been seeing i-vy quite often. hence, i don't miss her BUT i LOVE HER...!! =p
AWESOME TIME vy....! =)

SLEEP NOW!
*hopefully*
charles and keith handbag, can? =)

of drama pratices.

2009-06-26T22:08:00.001+10:00

Effective Communication.
Performing arts.
one of the assignment was a group act. and these are the things that we do during practices. =)
we did travel back and forth to uni and kaley's house and yvonne's as well.

Photo courtesy to Keith and Vivienne. =)
edited them because there were TOO many pictures!

Su Min & Yvonne, the angels.
Vivienne, a dead teen. (Peggy)
Kaley, shy teen (Kate) in love with Rick.
Steph, manager of the diner. (Alice)
Keith, teen who lost his girlfriend. (Rick)
Andrea, obnoxious teen who picks on Kate. (Heather)

and lastly.

me.
as Dianne.
mysterious woman who offers to help Peggy in her mission.

the good. the bad. the plot. the ending. too lazy to tell! =)

hate you, love you.

2009-06-26T01:44:00.000+10:00

what else is there to talk about the past?

people make mistakes. humans aren't perfect. humans have flaws too.
i took it as another challenge God wants me to face.
and this time around i did perfectly fine. though i still think about it from time to time. however, i will do fine in time to come.

my little talking session with Pastor Eddie went well. i feel much lighter and carefree. no need to bother about the rest.
thank you for the prayer. =)
hope the kids will enjoy the Famous Amos cookies!

shall get back to work ASAP. since the ex who is sending his promoters over requested!
some stupid internal shits drama at work. this i hate. boo!
i miss fooling around with the gadgets. =)
i better get my brain cells moving and learn about the gadgets already! i've forgotten some of them though not entirely. shoots!!
so anyone wants to buy Sony products, come find me at Pavilion from Juy onwards! =)
yes, it's called promoting and advertising. reminds me of my PR notes that i last read! =p

Transformers 2 at night. pretty awesome movie though i still like the first one better.

time to start on my UQ things. shall see how it goes from here.

Eddie : i will give you a big warm hug when i see you. it will transform you, like Transformers.

and i thought i was lame. =.="

cheater never quits cheating

2009-06-25T00:32:00.004+10:00

genting cancelled.
lookout point for dinner.
froze to death.
food was horrible.
weather was great!

lunch with pastor eddie tomorrow! can't wait!
and meeting mr wins as well!
i want to watch TRANSFORMERS 2 already. can?!

numb

2009-06-23T09:06:00.003+10:00

of the last 24 hours.
needles.
blood.
scan.

my breath stopped.

i still feel cold.
i still feel the pain of the needles.
i couldn't bare the sight of my blood.

paranoid bitch.

2009-06-21T21:54:00.002+10:00

when i am paranoid. my mind wonder. i sit and ponder. overflowing thoughts. i hate the feeling of it. yet i can't control it. i do not want to be who i am now. i want to feel less paranoid. i want to feel more carefree. i tear when i hate myself. i present myself with swollen eyes that isn't attractive. i hate myself for feeling this way. i hate how i am not able to control this.

i'm sorry.

this moment

2009-06-19T01:25:00.004+10:00

moments with you like this i love
moments with you like this i miss
moments with you like this
... i wish for forever.

in this moment
sitting in your silence
i long for your presence

hoping you will appear
in the darkness

i stare blankly

in this moment
it is just a dream

stress test.

2009-06-17T01:00:00.003+10:00

Roadhouse Grill.

13.06.09

Grandpa's birthday celebration.

Back to school.
16.06.09

i drove!

and still alive. =p

coming up soon.

once i am done with the 3 assignments!

STRESS TEST.

cherry cherry boom boom

2009-06-16T01:03:00.003+10:00

my bitach has gotten herself a blog!

SAM FARUQI!!!!!

omgosh...!!!

dah larh sudah lama kau ade blog. tapi tak bagi tau aku. siap kau bila aku jumpa kau esok.
tapi aku tak sampai hati nak mendera kau. =)

see. i am that good to you alright!

we need to catch up.
we need to meet up.
we need to gossip.
we need to SHOP!

and i want to see your new born one month old nephew!
will Omar get jealous? =p

3 more assignments to go.
just 3 more.

truth is a manipulation.

2009-06-15T02:38:00.000+10:00

i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain.
taylor swift.

2009-06-13T23:47:00.002+10:00